Douglas County's Water Commission Unveils: Advisorpocalypse

Fasten your seatbelts, my good citizens of Douglas County, because the water commission's latest brainfart is to layer their 'think tank' like a seven-layer dip nobody asked for. Commissioners George Teal and Abe Laydon have concocted a plan so brilliantly convoluted, that it could only be hatched in the hallowed halls of a government office, advisors for their advisors. Because why solve a problem when you can just talk it to death?

Enter Roger Hudson, with his extensive knowledge of water that comes directly out of the kitchen faucet, heralding this masterpiece of a plan. If you're baffled about how adding more cooks will help make this sausage, don't worry, it seems confusion and pollical donations are the main ingredients being stuffed into this casing.

The commission's got enough water experts to fill Hess reservoir, but they're still thirsty for more. James Eklund and Frank Johns, with their treasure trove of water wisdom, apparently aren't enough to hydrate the county's drought of ideas.

And these "technical advisory committee" folks? They're as elusive as an oasis in the desert everyone's sure they exist, but nobody's actually seen one. The commission's scratching their collective heads, trying to figure out what wisdom nuggets they're mining for. Here's a novel idea, maybe figure out what you need before you start assembling the Avengers of H2O.

We're even flirting with the idea of inviting the big-city water moguls to chime in because nothing says 'efficient governance' like creating an echo chamber so vast it has its own weather system. Meanwhile, Tricia Bernhardt's on a quest for the Holy Grail, a consultant who can somehow make sense of this mess. Perhaps what they really need is a fortune teller, because predicting the next twist in this saga requires psychic powers.

Let's get real, The Water Commission seems to be navigating a river of nonsense in a boat made of red tape. The more layers they add, the less we see of any actual progress. It's like watching someone trying to fix a leaky pipe with a hammer, it's not just futile, it's destructive.

So, dear commissioners, let's drop the advisory charade, roll up your sleeves, and start bailing out the bilge water of bureaucracy before the whole ship goes under. Maybe if the call for advisors had not been to enlist Teal’s largest donor base, the commissioners could have appointed the correct water expert advisors the first time.

Mark your calendars: 3:30 p.m., fourth Monday of the month. It's the most anticipated recurring non-event since the invention of the monthly fire drill.