The Socialist Grip on The Town of Parker: Their Own Little Fiefdom

Oh, Parker! Once a charming, idyllic town with more horses than people, now seemingly eager to transform into a miniature version of Aurora. Congratulations are in order, I suppose, for those Parker Demoncraps who’ve managed to elect a socialist as mayor. Nothing quite says “progress” like all-age drag queen shows, right? What’s next? Implementing Polis’s sanctuary state policies right here in the town of Parker?

But let’s cut to the chase. Parker needs a serious shake-up in how it handles its Town Council and Mayoral elections because, let’s face it, watching business owners and realtors run the show with the subtlety of a bull in a china shop has become downright nauseating.

So, here’s a thought: Why not redesign the entire Town of Parker electoral structure? Picture this: four districts and two at-large seats, split neatly between presidential years and off years. It’s high time we barred any local business owners from sitting on the Town Council or Mayor. Shocking, I know. How dare we suggest removing the inherent conflict of interest that comes from having the town's power players control the very policies that could pad their pockets? It’s almost as if we care about integrity or something bizarre like that!

Let’s also talk about the funding circus. If only residents of Parker can vote in the election, why are we letting outsiders stuff their cash into our local campaigns? It’s like letting your neighbor decide what color you paint your house. From now on, only donations from Parker residents should be allowed in Parker campaigns a max of $100.00. Groundbreaking, right?

Term limits are another spicy topic. Let’s limit Council members to two terms. And no, sneaky moves from one district to another to prolong your political lifespan won’t fly. Think of it as political musical chairs, and when the music stops, so does your career in council.

Lastly, we need to strip away the facade of non-partisanship. Every candidate must declare their party affiliation because, honestly, transparency went out the window the minute we pretended party politics didn’t influence local decisions. Make it mandatory to splash those affiliations all over campaign materials. If we’re going to ride this merry-go-round of partisanship, we might as well see who’s sponsoring the horses.

Parker, wake up and smell the collectivism! It’s time to pry open the clenched fist of socialist policies and inject a healthy dose of good old-fashioned partisan competition. After all, if we’re going to play political games, let’s at least be honest about the rules.

Honey Badger should be able to report on how the Parker Town Council voted in 2024 by late February 2025. In 2023, they voted yes together 843 times, with only 9 no votes among 6 differing council members. This would suggest pre-determined outcomes on votes.