Town of Parker Mayor Rumors Run Wild!

Alright, fellow patriots of Parker, buckle up because we're diving into a pool of absurdity with the recent Parker Mayor “election.” Yes, I use quotation marks because what we've witnessed might as well have been a coronation for Joshua "Rubber Stamp" Rivero, or RSR as I've come to call him, given his apparent readiness to stamp anything his big money pals slide across his desk. The rumor mill across my email is running rampant.

First off, let's talk about the sanctuary city rumor. If you thought Denver's experiment in chaos was enough, I hear that RSR seems eager to bring that dumpster fire to your doorstep. Apparently, he's got his heart set on turning Parker into a left-wing Scandinavian utopia where anyone can walk in, no questions asked. That's progress, folks, but only if you're okay with your taxes funding everyone else's free ride. That may be why he battled so hard to keep the grocery tax in place.

Then there's the MHC scheme. Big surprise, right? One of his biggest backers wants more "affordable" housing. And by "affordable," they mean the kind where you might need an armored vehicle just to get your mail, like those in Aurora. Thanks, but no thanks, RSR. Parker isn't ready to become the next set for a COP’s episode.

Let's not overlook the Pride Fest rumor. Sure, RSR is gunning to roll out the fuchsia carpet not only in our Parker parks but also at Parker Days with his buddy at the Parker Chamber of Commerce, TJ Sullivan. Do we really need to turn Parker Days into a showcase for every color of the rainbow? I mean, I liked the red, white, and blue just fine, thank you very much.

Now, the pièce de resistance…. Mike Waid, the ex-mayor who started all this with his liberal stance on “affordable living,” might be coming back. Rumor has it he will be appointed to RSR empty Town Council seat because, apparently, once you've driven a town into the ground with liberal policies, you're just the person to appoint to help RSR keep that downward spiral spinning.

Parker Patriots, we're at a crossroads. If the rumors are true, it looks like RSR is taking us down a road where common sense is about as common as a snowflake in July. Keep your eyes peeled and your minds sharp. We might need them to navigate out of this mess.

And let's not forget the last time we heard rumors that turned into roars. Remember when they told us the vaccines would end the pandemic? Or when masks were our only shield against an invisible enemy? And let's not start on the lab leak theory – once a conspiracy, now a conversation. If those weren't enough to make a skeptic out of anyone, then I guess we're all just in for a good laugh. So, when I hear these latest rumors about RSR's plans for Parker, I'm not dismissing them with a chuckle, I'm looking for the punchline.